Monster
by H. S. Hines
Summary: Sesshomaru is a monster, but Rin doesn't see that... DARKFIC, Complete, oneshot. Read warnings before the story. NOT A ROMANCE!


_Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, I do not make money from them. Lawyer demons, begone!_

Genre: **Darkfic** (do NOT take me lightly on that)  
Rating: M  
Code: Sess/Rin

_New note in response to being flamed out the ass: **I love Sesshomaru, he's my favorite character. **Sesshomaru is not supposed to be 'in character' in this story. Deal with it. Don't read it if you can't handle OOCness._

_Notes**: DO NOT READ THIS FIC WITHOUT READING THIS NOTE! **This story deals with child molestation from the first person perspective of a little girl. There is **NO GRAPHIC CONTENT **because I will NOT feed the pedophiles out there with it. The sexual abuse in this story is statutory, which has its dark implication of consensual. If you cannot handle this theme, please do not read this story. It is a very dark theme and the theme alone earned it an M rating. _

**Monster **

I thought he loved me. I really, really had come to believe it. Why else would he touch me like that? Why would he keep me with him, when he said so many times that he hated humans? Why would he have brought me back from the dead? Now I'm afraid of him and I don't know what to do. I didn't mind him touching me and I didn't mind when he told me to touch him back. But what he did last night… it hurt. It still hurts. Something was wrong about it.

I didn't cry, though. I didn't want to get up and walk this morning, but when I tried to ride Ah-un, it was even worse. So I walked next to Jaken-sama and when Sesshomaru-sama left us, I didn't want to pick flowers or play games. I think Jaken-sama is worried about me, because he keeps doing funny things and he hasn't sighed all day. Does he know what Sesshomaru-sama did to me last night? Did he hear me cry out? I tried not to, but it hurt so much. Sesshomaru-sama had never hurt me before.

Oh, no, am I crying? I close my eyes and will the tears away. They stop before any fall, but Jaken-sama saw them. I try to smile at him, but I just can't seem to do it. I walk down to the stream and Jaken-sama grabs my arm.

"No, Rin, the water's too deep, you'll drown!"

"Rin needs a bath, Jaken-sama," I tell him. He frowns at me, but he lets me go. I took a bath before I went to sleep, but I feel like I need one again. So I walk into the icy water and scrub at the place that hurts, sticking my face in the water to wash away the tears. Why did he hurt me? Will he do it again? Can't we go back to doing what we did before? It felt so much better to have his hands there than… that other part. Jaken-sama has to pull me out of the water—like he said, it's too deep. Jaken-sama patted my shoulder once he had me on the shore.

"Rin," Jaken-sama says, but then he stops. I look at him, feeling confused.

"What, Jaken-sama?" I ask.

"Never mind. Just… remember if you want to leave…" So that's what he's on about! He sat me down and talked to me after he found me with our lord one day, helping him feel better, and told me that if I ever wanted to leave, Sesshomaru-sama wouldn't stop me and they would find a nice village for me to live in.

"No, Jaken-sama," I say. "Rin wants to stay with Sesshomaru-sama. Rin has told you before… Rin doesn't mind. Rin serves Sesshomaru-sama." Jaken-sama flinches and looks away from me, shuffling his feet in the dirt.

"You're so young, Rin," he answers, the same as before. I don't understand what he means by that. I tried to ask before, but he just sighed and walked away. Still, maybe he'll answer this time.

"What do you mean, Jaken-sama?" I try, one last time.

"Humans and youkai… shouldn't do that, Rin," Jaken answers. "It's not… right."

"Should he do it with you, then?" I ask him. Jaken's eyes grow wide and he starts sputtering. "Do you want him to do it with you?"

"No, Rin! He should… do that… with a youkai woman!" Jaken shouts.

"Jaken," Sesshomaru-sama's voice breaks through his ranting and Jaken-sama freezes in place, fear in his eyes. I look away, knowing that he's said something wrong, like usual, and is going to be punished. I don't hear anything and I look back, but they're both gone. Frightened, I sit on the ground, determined to be where he can find me when he gets back. I suppose that Sesshomaru-sama is very angry with him this time. I hope he doesn't kill him, I like Jaken-sama.

"Hey, who's that?" I hear a woman's voice ask. I turn and look at some villagers we passed a few days before on the road.

"Oh, that's just that kid who travels with that monster," a man answers her.

"I wonder why," the woman asks. Monster? Does he mean Sesshomaru-sama? He's not a monster! I run and hide from them, upset because I heard one of them ask if they should catch me and take me with them! What a horrible thing! I curl up in the roots of a tree, under a bush, and hope they won't find me. Unfortunately, the only time I hid particularly well was the time when those bandits killed Mommy and Papa and my brothers and sister. One of the men grabs me and I try to get away, hitting and kicking at him, but he's so much bigger and stronger that I can't get loose.

The fear I had when Suikotsu had me returns and I bite him as hard as I can. He drops me and I start to run, but he kicks my legs out from under me. I fell down and cry out, hoping Sesshomaru-sama is nearby.

"Sesshomaru-sama! Help!" I scream as loud as I can and then the man is gone. I close my eyes and bury my face in my arms on the ground, trying not to hear the people screaming. It's over very quickly and then I feel someone standing next to me. I look over and see Sesshomaru-sama's hakama and grab his leg, hugging it tightly. I let go quickly, not wanting to make him mad, but I was so afraid and I feel much better now that he's with me. "Thank you, Sesshomaru-sama!"

"Come, Rin, we should leave this place."

"Yes!" I say and stand up quickly. I don't look to where the humans were; I don't want to see them again. I walk behind him and see Jaken sulking at the edge of the forest. He looks okay, except for a couple bumps on his head, so I figure everything's back to normal and I start humming. Jaken-sama shoots a few worried looks at me throughout the day, but I can smile again.

A few nights later, Sesshomaru-sama wants to do _that _again. I look up at him and tell him, "It hurt. Rin is afraid."

"You do not need to fear me, Rin. It will not always hurt," he assures me. My fear vanishes, like it always has with him. I nod and let him do what he wants, not closing my eyes, watching him and knowing that he is always right. So, someday, this wouldn't hurt. Someday, maybe I would like it, too. What is important is that I know Sesshomaru-sama has a need for me. And if he needs me, then maybe he'll let me stay with him, forever…

_**The End**_

_A/N: That is the most horrifying thing I have ever written. So why did I write it? Because this is how I see Sess/Rin romantic pairings. This is the only way I can see it working. After all, everyone tells me, she'll grow up someday and he won't. Well, that means that he knows that, too. So, to him, taking her as a child would just be a way to prepare her for it later on. If he doesn't see her as a child later, maybe he never did. Or maybe, I just like writing him as a monster. After all, that's what 'youkai' translates as. Finally, NO, **I DO NOT SEE THIS HAPPENING, EVER**. But I like to write things that are challenging. Writing something this disturbing (to me, at least) was a huge challenge and I took it and ran with it. I wish it had a pretty moral or a lesson tying it in a nice bow, but all it has is disturbing truth. I am one of the few people who can say I was never molested, but I have had several friends who were. I actually took a specific perspective from one of them, using the thoughts she had on it, as she told them to me, about how she thought the person who molested her loved her more than anyone else because he did those things to her. I seriously doubt this story could help any victims, but maybe it could clear up some questions non-victims have about why many children don't report their abusers. It's not always fear… sometimes, sadly, it's love. _

_And I apparently have to add another note: I'm not trying to change anyone's opinions on the pairing. I don't believe that's possible. If someone has so little attachment to the pairing as to have one story ruin it for them, then they weren't really that big a fan of it in the first place. I'm not opposed to **any **pairing being written. As any fanfic is, this is just one perspective. I write darkfics for my favorite pairings, too, so don't think this one is special._

_I also feel the need to add this: **If you or someone you know is being abused, don't be like Rin.** It doesn't get better and it's NEVER okay for an adult to have sexual relations with a child. It doesn't make the child grown-up, it makes the grown-up a pervert. The bad kind._


End file.
